This morning I saw your heartbeat for the first time. They tell me that you are about the size of a grain of rice. You are so tiny, yet I already love you so very much.
I am filled with a strange and exciting mixture of emotions. As a Jew, I am not supposed to “count my chickens before they are hatched,” but as a woman, and a first-time mommy-to-be, I am beyond excited. I can’t help but dream about what you will look like; whether or not you will get your daddy’s beautiful hazel eyes, or my dark curly hair.
I must admit that I am a bit torn. As I walked to my office, it felt like I was floating. I am elated, but I know that I’m not supposed to celebrate. I don’t really think that speaking the baby’s name (not that we have one) will invite the evil eye or that buying a crib (or looking at them online) will draw the attention of dark spirits- but I will defer to the tradition of my ancestors (and probably make my mother and mother in-law happy) by keeping them in mind during the next few months. Maybe it will get easier. Still, today I cannot help but smile like crazy.
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