But now it’s time to share our story and be open and candid with everyone. So here it is: For the last year and change, we’ve been going through fertility treatments in order to start a family. Looking back, it seems a little silly to not have shared what we were going through with our friends and family, but as we began this experience we decided to keep it quiet. I was embarrassed about my infertility. I was uncomfortable with the thought of answering questions or having to share disappointing news over and over again. I was unsure how long the process would take and how emotional it would be. So we kept it quiet. I realized this could possibly hurt people who love us when they found out we had been keeping something so major from them, but I also hoped they would understand how difficult and delicate this has been at times for us, and we felt the fewer people involved the better.
I am not going to spend a lot of time here talking about what we did or why we did it, and I am not asking for anyone’s pity or sympathy or forgiveness. So many women have had a more difficult time than I did conceiving. It took trying three different medications / hormones, but today I am happy to report that I have been successfully knocked up. What?! Really?! Yep, I’m pregnant! Way to bury the lede, huh? David and I are going to have a baby!!
We are excited! We are thrilled! We are more than a little bit nervous. But more than anything else, we are so very happy to finally share our news. As I said above, I want to be completely honest here in this space. David and I actually had a successful insemination and got pregnant this past winter, but I lost the pregnancy shortly after New Years. It was an incredibly painful and heartbreaking thing to experience, but ultimately we came out of it more committed than ever to having a family and to each other. It may be poor taste to talk about a miscarriage on a blog for the whole world to read. But it’s my blog and it’s my outlet. I found some incredibly useful and comforting words online these last several months – on other womens’ blogs, on bulletin boards, etc. And I feel that if my story brings comfort to someone out there reading this site, then it will have been worth it to publish it.
So back to the celebration. Today I am 19 weeks and 2 days. To answer your (likely) questions: No, we don’t yet know if we are having a boy or a girl, and I’m actually not sure I want to know. I feel great, there are definitely moments of feeling not-so-great but I guess that comes with the territory. I am estimated to be due around January 15th. Hmmm what else… the successful cocktail was 75IU of Follistim and I absolutely adore the folks at George Washington University Medical Faculty Associates Fertility Center.
Before I forget, I want to thank David for his unconditional love, tenderness and support during the last year. I wasn’t always someone you’d WANT to spend the rest of your life with. He was supportive when I needed encouragement, understanding when I felt lost, tender when I was hurting and a source of strength when I felt defeated. I am so fortunate to have him as my partner on this journey; he is my beloved and my strength.
After a few months of not blogging, I wasn’t sure I would ever re-launch the site, but I began writing out my thoughts and feelings throughout the process as an emotional outlet. I even videotaped a few moments here and there for posterity. When I was nervous about giving myself an injection for the first time, I went on YouTube and found videos of all these couples who had taped and posted their first attempt with injectables. It was sweet and inspiring, and they gave me courage and comfort. I won’t be posting my injectable videos, but I will begin posting some of my other videos and thoughts soon.
The last three years of Life As An E has been a mix of weekend and vacation recaps, recipes, silly stories I found amusing and narratives and photos of family gatherings, holidays and parties. As I continue to rework the blog I’m sure I will continue many of the same posts, but I will also chronicle my experiences and thoughts during the pregnancy as well as back-dated entries from our journey through fertility treatments, loss, love and luck.
I will begin posting the older entries soon, but in the meantime, here is a picture of our little Baby E-To-Be.
And here is me!
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